Appearance: Obese disheveled melodramatic woman w/ orange hair pulled into ponytail holding half eaten hot dog w/ several hot dog wrappers present at bedside.
Unfortunately, I was not the one to stumble across this gem, the credit goes to fellow intern Ilona.
On Friday morning I got up at 6am as I had every other day that week and went to take a shower. Now the showers in the Annex are quite grotesque and just the sight of them will make you feel as though you’ve rolled around in a big pile of dog crap covered in garbage juice. Needless to say, its not the most glamorous setting. So I shouldn’t be surprised if a horrible creepy, crawly pest emerges from the depths of the sewer, right? But friends, that is exactly what happened.
Like a horror film, the cockroach sticks its icky little legs out pulling the rest of its body up with it. Now this sucker is huge, like, three inches huge. I didn’t know what to do! Do I step on it with my shower flip-flops? No. then I’ll have to deal with its nasty cockroach guts and physically feel the crunch of death. Do I pick it up and, I don’t know flush it down the toilet? Of course not. Then I’d have to touch it! My only option was to just share the shower with this monster. The two of us made awkward eye contact for the remainder of my shower. I telepathically told him I wasn’t going down without a fight and he better not try any funny business or else… well I don’t know what would happen but it wouldn’t be pretty.
I survived and was sure to inform other annex dwellers of my misfortune. The following day I returned to the scene of the crime. I found his dead body lying in the corner, lifeless. I was a little sad, he kind of made the Annex a home. But at the same time, he had it coming, that sick perverted cockroach, intruding on my shower!
So today I saw an 82 year old man who apparently wanted to make me his next mistress. Allow me to share with you some things he said/asked me that made me feel uncomfortable…
1. Chelsea. Pretty name, Pretty face.
2. You’re gonna go far in life, I can tell. You have talent. I can smell it.
3. You married? Let’s run away together.
4. Where have you been the past 3 weeks?!
5. Let me take you out to a nice dinner and show you a good time.
6. (In response to me saying, “don’t you think I’m a little young for you?”) Hey as long as you’re over 18, I’m ok with it!
7. (to someone else in the room) Remember “Ex-wife’s name here,” she was 25 years younger than me! Age means nothing.
8. What’s your number? (My response: “I can’t give out my number, it’s a confidentiality thing!”)
9. Someone’s gonna snatch you up before I get out of here and I’m gonna miss out on the best thing that walked into my life.
10. You can’t leave before I give you my card! Me: “Only if it’s your credit card!”
In the end I was 85% sure he was joking… He gave me his business card and I threw it in the garbage when I left the room. But ladies and gentlemen he WAS loaded and marrying him, awaiting his imminent death, and inheriting all his money definitely crossed my mind. I mean who could say no to a yacht full of kittens!?! (because that’s totally what I would do with all the money)
But alas, here I sit, blogging to my 30 followers, swimming in debt. I could have just made the biggest mistake of my life…